Went to therapy session....

...today. Had a good visit. Talked about trip down to California. My therapist then wanted to backtrack and try to find the trigger. It went back to the phone call with Carla on Wednesday afternoon as I started my drive. That phone call took me away from my recovery program for 5 days. I just cannot have that. We then spent time talking about her, her recovery and my feelings towards her. My therapist seemed a little surprised when I said I wouldn't have a problem fucking Carla and having a sexual relationship with her, if given the opportunity. I said it wouldn't be right but my addict would love it. Hearing me say that in therapy today made my therapist tell me that Carla is not a good person in my recovery. She said that I won't be able to save her and she won't be able to help me. I can't have addicts, especially addicts with almost no recovery in my life. I agree. The temptation to try to fool around with a female sex addict is just too much temptation.

So we talked about how to get her out of my life. I wanted to call and just tell that I couldn't have any relationship with her. My therapist then asked me what I would say when she started to cry and apologize for whatever she's done, telling me she's got no one in her life. I really didn't have a response to that as I understood that I really couldn't be drawn into any conversation with Carla about any relationship between us. So we agree that I would text Carla and tell her. And that's exactly what I did about a hour and a half ago. I wrote "Hi Carla. I'm sorry to say that I have to end our relationship. It is not good for my recovery. I'd appreciate it if you did not call or text me. Good luck.".

I feel good about it. Part of me wants to think that having people to share with is a good thing. But I've got to be careful about who I let into my life. Right now I'm especially vunerable and really only need people in my life that truly care about me. I don't know who are or would exactly be the right people right now. I know I trust my wife, my therapist and my family. I feel good about the support I receive from my sponser and a few fellow members of SAA. Yet I'm really not going to bring them completely into my life at this time.

I know I made the right decision and I'm glad my therapist was there to give me good advice.