July 31st

Had a great day. Got up and tracked down my mocha at Starbucks, as well as a paper. Came home and read the paper. Then took a shower and drove over to the coast. Went to Seaside. Spent a little time walking around the shops there. Went to the turnaround and hung out for a few minutes. Just checking out the waves coming in. But there were too many people there for me to just want to sit for a long time. Then I drove north up the coast. Stopped in Gearhart @ McMenimans Sand Trap for lunch. Was able to sit and look out over the golf course during lunch. Was very relaxing. After lunch I headed a little farther north up to Astoria.

When I got there I decided to face my fears and drive over the Astoria Bridge that spans the mouth of the Columbia River. That bridge has always scared me because it seems to high. In reality it's probably no highter than the Golden Gate Bridge (and I've walked and ran across that bridge).

Then headed back to Portland driving on the Washington side of the Columbia. All in all the drive was beautiful. But what it a great day was listening the a book cd on "The Addiction Cure'. It's by the people who run The Passages Recovery Center in Malibu, CA. They don't believe in addiction or a disease that can't be cured. Instead they believe you can fix this disorder by addressing the reasons why you drink, do drugs or have sex. I haven't listened to all the cd's yet but what they say resonates with me quite a bit. I don't believe I can't be cured and must go to 12 step meetings for the rest of my life. I've been going to meetings for over a year now and am still lost on how old timers have such a strong passion in a program that has a 20 to 25% success rate.

The authors of the book talk about how Alcoholics Anonymous was a great idea when it came out 70 years ago. But time and knowledge change. Alcoholics Anonymous hasn't changed with the times. Step One says that I am powerless over my addiction yet the God I believe in gives me power to make choices. I believe that everyone's God gives them power to make choices yet I just cannot say I have no power in my life. I do have the power to say no to alcohol, drugs, sexually acting out. I have the power to say yes too but today in my life I'm deciding to say no.