...and I'm feeling a little tired. Having a mocha down at Starbucks. Doing some gazing at female customers. A little fantasizing too, if I'm be honest. The whole concept of fantasizing and whether it's okay or not, or what is a healthly limit, is a very confusing subject. Even for someone not trying to work through his sex addiction issues, it is a difficult subject. There is definitely some pleasure from looking at women and fantasizing. As a male, I've done it for most of my life. But I do not wish to look at all women and treat them as a sex object. At the same time, women are beautiful to me. Therein is the issue of sex addiction to me. Constantly trying to live a better life, treating people as individuals and not as objects.
Had a therapy session with my Priest therapist yesterday. Went pretty good. We talked about some more about our session last week. She thought that me wanting to be an Alcohol and Drug Counselor was a good thing. Also thought I would be a good Sex Addiction Therapist. That was good to hear. I believe I would be a good Sex Addiction Therapist too but haven't figured out how I could advertise that I would deal with people with those issues too. All things in their time.
We also briefly talked about what type of woman would be the right woman for me. She thought I would not be happy or content with a woman that is not a little complex. I needed complexity in my relationship. An interesting thought. Haven't really thought much about what type of woman I would want in my life for quite a while. I've been married so the option really wasn't there. Not that it is right now either but any woman I sexually acted out with was just a physical release for me. An occasional one might be attractive but I never got involved emotionally with any of them. So it was just a sexual act going on between us.
Right now though I am worried that I might not have the strength or internal fortitude to study enough to pass the classes needed. Also, I future trip a little about the pay and building a therapy business. Yet I know that there are lots of people wanting help.
Later in the day I saw my acupuncturist and she thought I would do great at helping people with their sex addiction. She also stressed that I needed to find my voice and finding it would clear the path of my life. I was glad to hear that too. It's good to get some validation in what I'm believing. I don't want to live life in my head and only believe what I want to believe. I want others in my life.
Perhaps the funniest or strangest part of the day was having some coffee with another fellow from the program. He told me that his wife had met with my wife the night before and had coffee together. I was confused when he told me as I am on a 30 day no communication between us break. I laughed and told him that he was telling me about part of my life that I didn't know about. Was a little strange.
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