....Starbucks. Had a terrible night of sleep last night. Was tossing and turning all night. Probably had something to do with having some cheese cake around 8pm. I've got to stop doing that kind of eating. Nothing good comes out of it. My legs were still stiff and twitching from my bike ride earlier in the day. Of course my mind was racing and just couldn't relax.
I think that was due to having pulled out some 'test' results from 1987. I had taken some personality, job appitude, job interest tests in January of that year as I was feeling much like I have over the past few years. Very down, discouraged, unsatisfied with life. So I found a 'counselor' that would give me some tests and intepret the results, giving me some info about myself as well as what kind of work I would be suited for or not suited for. Over the years I've returned to these tests results and they still seem to ring true.
Some of the major points is that I like to work alone. I am highly prone to acting out. I care much more about myself than about others and will not hestitate to be bluntly honest with others. It's there problem if they can't take it. I don't have a great acceptance of change, just for change sake. I like facts. I like things to be black and white and not gray.
Perhaps one of the most interesting things it says is that I should be careful about making significant changes at this point in my life. While I understand that intellectually, I do not understand how or when you make these changes if you're not suppose to make them now.
I printed out a copy of some of these results and plan on taking them to my therapy session this morning. Perhaps my therapist has some similar testing she might recommend. Or perhaps we could have a little conversation about how nothing has changed in my life for almost 25 years. Unbelievable. I feel stuck in my life unable to my second degree changes.
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