Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired...

...I found my atleast feeling two of those this afternoon. After the noon meeting I went over to my storage unit and picked up some more stuff there. Grabbed the rest of my baseball cards that I was going to donate. Also grabbed a few other boxes. Stopped by the Goodwill store and dropped the things off there. Then headed off to my apartment and just laid down on the sofa.

Was feeling lonely, tired and depressed. I've got no one in my life now except for myself. I go to meetings quite regularly yet still feel as those these are individuals that I don't have a friendship with. I've got an armlength relationship with most of them. We share a bit in common and have opened up our souls to each other in an attempt to make ourselves better. But I don't really have any close friends. I guess I have one relatively close friend from the program. Or our friendship is growing.

But not having someone around the house (freudian slip there), apartment, makes for a lonely time. I end up being alone with myself and my thoughts. Self doubt creeps into my mind. I let it start to build and future trip with it a bit, making it worse than it needs to be.

Apparently I fell asleep on the sofa when I got home. But when I woke up, somehow I had the mental strength to get myself out for a walk. I ended up walking for about an hour. Felt great afterwards, other than being hungry. My knee hurt a little but that's how it goes. I know that exercise is great for me. I wish I could somehow get myself motivated to exercise more often. It would be good for me in so many ways.

I got my UofO transcripts today in the mail. Looking at them, I have taken Writing 122, so two of the six classes for the Alcohol and Drug Counselor Program have now accounted for. I'm sure the math requirement is not an issue as I've got Business Statistics classes. So I'm three classes done. I will get into atleast one of the preliminary classes, so I'll have atleast four points. But I want to take two of the preliminary classes, so I should have five points by the end of the year.

Feelings of self doubt creep in as I am typing this. Am I going to somehow do some self sabotage myself and not be able to pass these classes. I don't want to. I want to do this. I want to find the strength to do this. I know deep inside of myself that I can do this. I know I can learn whatever I need to learn to do this and pass these classes. I can learn some biology and psychopharmacology. I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS!!!