#2) In what ways have I been preoccupied with sex or a relationship: obsessively thinking about it, fantasizing, sneaking, or taking time that should have been spent with family, work, etc.?
#3) What ways have you not been able to control these behaviors in spite of promises and attempts to stop? Have you found yourself engaging in repeated, unplanned instances of sexual behavior and compulsive activity?
Wow, there's a lot there. Earlier in my life, I would have been spending time masterbating to sooth any feelings I didn't wish to deal with. Or to help me go to sleep. It also helps when I have migraine headaches. Just a numbing release of pleasure going through me. Helping to take the edge off. I would use fantasizing to help get me excited during masterbating. As my sexual addiction grew into visiting massage parlors, I found myself searching the classifieds in Alternative newspapers or driving around town to areas with massage parlors. I would call girls from ads or the massage parlors which started the chase for the high. I might get so excited at this point that I might masterbate right then and still found myself needing more. Very quickly I found out that massage parlors did more than just give you a happy finish. This reality made my addiction explode inside of me. Massages no longer were enough. As this world started advertising online, I found myself spending more and more time searching online ads and various sites for girls. I started to find myself searching these ads at work. I would take time at work to set up appointments to meet women for sex.
As a real estate agent, I had plenty of free time and started using more and more of it to chase down sex. Actual working was becoming less and less of a priority. I found it very exciting to bring prostitutes to vacant listings and have sex. Occasionally I would masterbate at a listing I was holding open to the public over the weekend. The high from violating someone else's home was enormous. I didn't care about any consequences.
Every morning I found myself planning my day out in positive, work related ways, only to soon find myself chasing down sex. Didn't matter what I had planned, just about every day I would atleast spend some time online looking at porn. Any cause for stress, negative or positive, would somehow trigger me. I found my growing success in real estate very stressful. I knew that somehow, someone would figure out I was a fraud and expose me for what I am.
I found myself answering a phone call from a client, then looking at some online ads for sex. I'd get an offer on a house, then track down some sex. Have a meeting with a bunch of female agents, I'd have to go masterbate. More and more, I found my days revolving around sex and not work. I didn't care. I would make occasional sexual passes at fellow female agents. I would spend time masterbating while fantasizing about different female agents that I knew. In my world, it was all good.
As this addiction grew, I started to grow more and more isolated from my wife. I would tell my wife that my work schedule was constantly changing due to my client's needs. While she couldn't check up on me during the week, she would occasionally show up at my open houses, "just to see how it was going". I knew she suspected something was going on and feared that she would find out. But I didn't care. I would just get mad at her for her beliefs and tell her she was crazy. Then go find another sexual fix the next morning for myself, further isolating myself from my wife, physically and emotionally.
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