I read my First Step to my therapist yesterday. It went pretty good. I read it very fast. Unconciously that is. I barely came up for a breath of air. It was as though I thought or felt that if I read it fast I can take less ownership or maybe something wouldn't be heard (even though I had given a copy to her). My body was not comfortable at all while I was reading it. I was constantly fidgeting and moving. It was difficult to read and fully disclose a lot of disgusting things that I did outloud. And to someone else.
My therapist seemed to think it was a good description of the escalation of the addiction. She thought it described the powerlessness of me against it. She thought it was well written. I've never thought of myself as a good writer and had a difficult time accepting the compliment. Finally I accepted it if only to just move on in the conversation. She also wanted to know how it compared to other first steps I had heard. I'm trying not to be judgmental but I honestly feel that many individuals do not spend enough time on their first step. It appears as though issues or things had not been thought through and that their only concern was to just get it done and get out of that very uncomfortable place. I know it's an individual thing and I can only concern myself with me. I think I've spent a lot of time on mine and will probably spend some more.
I then went to the noon meeting, where Dave shared his first step. His was good, but as many I've heard before, felt a little short or lacking. It was a very short one, less than 20 minutes long. Again, it's an individual thing. If that was what he needed and wanted to share then good for him. It's difficult to not compare the different first steps that you hear.
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