I've been away from doing some of my recovery work lately. With Sandy being here last week, I allowed myself to step away from it. I haven't had any desires to act out and chase down a prostitute. Just took a break from the daily tasks of doing my recovery workbook and writing online. I think it was a good break. I know it's not what I want to do every day but a break is good now and then. It gives me a little perspective and rest.
The fall also brings Ducks football and the baseball playoffs. The Ducks are on fire right now. We are #1 in all the polls. Undefeated and in control of our own destiny. Just absolutely unbelievable! The thought of winning the National Championship is almost too much for me emotionally. I don't want my mind to go there yet. There's still some games to play but if the team can keep their heads to the grindstone there is a tremendous possibility that the National Championship game is theirs to play in. I'm also concerned that the Ducks could play in that game and how I would react. When my favorite pro football team played in the Super Bowl, 7 or 8 years ago, I was so excited and anxious that I tracked someone to give me a massage with a happy finish. That started me on actually paying women for massages and sex.
The World Series is also going on right now. It's the Giants and the Rangers. Giants are up 3 games to 1. I want the Giants as I grew up a Giants fan. They haven't won a Series since 1954. It's been a long time. I don't recall them even being in the playoffs when I was growing up. Second place seemed to be where they ended up. So it's time. Think I'll even get a World Series championship t-shirt if they win.
I've got a therapy appointment today at 1:30. I've got a little work to do before Ii go. I've got to get a Firedrill sheet ready. I don't think that will be too hard as I've most of in done, just need to find where it's at and put it in the proper format. I also want to write myself a letter to read to myself as a last measure of defense incase I want to act out. Some other recovery work I want to do is to work a little more on my first step. I've got to get that done. It's not going to be a long story but I want it done so I can move on with my recovery. I'm stalling and procrastinating on this. No more. I've got one month to get it done.
Dammit. I just realized that I made an appointment to have Henry come over here at 2:00 to put up the lights in the closet. That will not work since I've got therapy at 1:30. Fuck, I've got to get control of my schedule. I need to carry a datebook with me. I'll have to stop by Office Depot and get one.
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