....tonight. Some good sharing went on but it was mostly filled with excitement. Since last week's meeting, I've been obsessing about a female that was there. She shared last week how she had been sleeping around. That was all I needed to get me started. So knowing that my wife was going to be gone part of this week, just led to thinking about how maybe I could hook up with this gal. I sure could use a good fuck. A good sexual release. So I was a little disappointed when she didn't show up for the meeting.
But then the Sweet Voice of Escape entered the room as she came in late. And when she decided to sit next to me, I was filled with sexual excitement. Her perfume was light and beautiful. I tried not to check out her body as she was there. I wanted to just reach out and touch her. Have her touch me. I got to hold her hand as the meeting ended and we said the Serenity Prayer. By then though, my excitement had settled and I was a bit more focused on sobriety instead of her.
As we left the meeting, I did chat with her for a bit, giving a Patrick Carnes book to read. We talked for a while about sexual addiction and possible differences between guys and gals. I still found myself sexually excited by her and couldn't think of a way to approach the subject with her. That fucking addict just trying to get another piece of ass! Any way it can. Doesn't care about the damage or aftermath. Just the release.
We talked about how the chase is part of this addiction. It's a big issue and gives me great, great pleasure. There's a physical, sexual rush involved in the chase. And I know my addict will not allow me to stop chasing this gal. I've got to fight my addict every day over this. Right now I'm winning as I haven't acted out. We ended up going our seperate ways after talking for awhile. Tomorrow I will talk to my therapist about this dream and the chase.
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