...went pretty good. It was nice to see my wife's niece and nephew and niece's 18 month old baby. Jazzy, the little girl, is so sweet. Yes she takes all of your attention. But that's a good thing. She is so full of love, fun and amazement at her surroundings. If only we all could live like that.
I had a little pissy mood outbreak on Saturday night, as we didn't go out to eat until almost 8pm. I was hungry by 6 and let it affect my mood. Instead of eating some crackers or something, I just let my anger and frustration build. I went upstairs and tried to calm down, but it just kept building. I sent a text message to my wife and called her twice, even though she was downstairs. Even doing that enraged me more. Finally around 7:30, I went downstairs and asked when we were going to eat. I didn't have the best tone in my words I'm sure, but my wife understood that I needed to eat and got everyone together so we could go. My mood immediately improved knowing we were heading to a restaurant.
That night, I wrote in my workbook that this incident happened. The next morning I woke up and had all sorts of ideas of how the situation could have been handled differently. Wow, crazy to think that maybe I could have handled it differently. I could have shut down emotionally (which I pretty much did), acted out (no opportunity and not good response), gotten something to eat to raise my blood sugar level (which I should have done and is good), talked to someone in a civil tone (wife in this case), could have called my sponser and talked (maybe not a bad idea). I'm sure there are more possible alternatives to what I did, but that is a good list. I wanted to apologized to my wife and niece Sunday morning but could not make myself do it. I know I was in a pissy mood and they were on the receiving end and did not deserve it.
Monday night (last night) I apologized to my wife. She told me I was rude on Saturday and owed my niece and nephew an apology too. My inner addict wanted to debate with her, but the new Kevin said there was no reason to do so. So I bit my tongue and just let her comment be. She was right and I knew it. I was wrong and did not have any reason or need to try to justify my behavior.
This morning I got on the phone and called my niece and apologized for my behavior. Perhaps she was being gracious when she said she didn't notice my mood changing at all and accepted my apology anyway. I said it did and I apologize for it and for being rude to her, her brother and my wife. We then went on to talking about other things. After hanging up the phone with her, I called her brother and apologized to him on his voicemail, since he didn't pick up the phone. After that call, I texted my wife and told her that I made the calls and that she was right for pointing out I was rude.
If my behavior is going to change, I need people to point out what I am doing wrong. My wife is a very good judge of that and I trust her very much on her interpersonal skills. Everyone likes her very much because she is a very nice person. She's not rude, short with people, a great listener and doesn't get too emotional in conversations. So I have to believe that when she said I was wrong, I was. In the past I pretty much would not have cared too much and just gone on with my life. But I've got to change the wiring in my brain. So I picked up the phone and made some calls and then told my wife that I did so. Not to look good to anyone but because I was wrong in being pissy and rude to them. And a hour and a half later I feel very good about it.
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