...vacation down in California. I'm a little nervous about it as I've acted out in the past when we've been apart. But I'm feeling very calm and relaxed. She took off tonight. I dropped her off at the airport and then headed to a SAA meeting. Got home a little bit ago and did some work in my 40-Day Focus workbook. Will probably do some reading in a little bit. But I'll go to two meetings tomorrow with some workbook work in between. And on Wednesday, I'll go to my therapy appointment and an evening meeting. Thursday I'm figuring I'll vacuum the house, clean my bathroom and finish up any laundry, dishes, etc., that needs to be done. Then go pick my wife up at the airport. So yes, I'm feeling good about things right now. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. So I'm just going to worry about making it through tonight. I'll worry about tomorrow then.
As I wrote last week, I signed a 90 day sexual sobriety contract with my therapist. No sex, masterbation or alcohol for 90 days. The desire is to learn how to deal with my feelings with the release of sex or alcohol. It's been a little difficult. I find myself thinking about masterbating and then remembering that I made the agreement to not. So I start some breathing exercises to try to relax. Or pick up a 12 step book to read.
Haven't done much work on my first step lately, so I'm thinking I do some over the next few days and see if that will raise my anxiety levels. Sure, I've got 70 days of sexual sobriety in me (from my inner circle), so I'm feeling a little cocky. But I do feel that I am drawing strength from my SAA meetings, my therapy, reading, my writings and working through the different workbooks. I do seem to catch myself when I'm feeling emotionally weak or anxiety ridden. Is everything perfect? No, far from it. But I've been able to think about what is going on and not act out, nor get into my middle circle of potential problem triggers. So I'll pat myself on the back for what I've accomplished so far.
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