So it's a day since.....

....I talked to my wife, disclosing my cheating with prostitutes on her. Today I must say I don’t feel as good about it as I did yesterday, though I still feel good. But I had to come clean and deal with all the good, bad and ugly. All the stress of living this secret life was/is physically killing me. Just in going to a therapist and these SAA meetings, I’ve seen my stress related skin conditions start to go away without any medicine. So I know I’m heading down the right path.

I talked to my SAA sponser and he was surprised and proud of me for disclosing my past deeds to my wife. I thanked him for the comments, though it honestly feels like I have nothing to be proud of. I’m ashamed of my actions and where my life is. But in going to these SAA meetings I do realize that I could go much, much farther down into this sexual addiction hole. He thought her calm response was due to me coming clean to her versus her discovering out my past on her own. There may be something to that, but she still needs to express anger and hurt at me. Those are natural feelings she would have and would have to be expressed. Somewhere down the road I know I’ll have to deal with them and that’s fine.

It appears that my wife is trying to line up a therapist to see through our insurance plan, though not having much luck. She was suppose to get a call tonight at 5 and by 6 she had not received a call. I suggested again that perhaps she try to find one online and forget about the insurance co-pay. I really want her in therapy and talking to someone. I know we each have personal issues to work on. And if we’re going to get this gigantic revelation of mine, we each to be working on ourselves.

All in all, after writing this and then reading it, I’m feeling pretty good again. I’ve got another SAA meeting I’m going to in about 40 minutes but I feel so much better than when I sat down to write my thoughts. Perhaps this is a sign that I need to put my thoughts down daily? Ooooohhhhhh, a revelation there.

(p.s. this entry was written on August 9th around 6pm. Was copied into blog on Aug 10th)