....on I feel as though I'm still standing in place. I'm still working on my 40-Day Focus book and enjoying it. But I feel as though I should be doing more. I understand that change takes time, but I'm 50 years old and tired of where I am. I say that I want to change, yet I do small things to sidetrack me. I've been reading quite a bit. Sexual Addiction books and recovery books. But I'm not journaling as much as I want to. Nor am I working on my First Step as much as I want to. I'm scared that in doing this work I will demons I don't want to see. I'm afraid I will see that I need to make changes that will be difficult. So I just stay in the same place. It's a fucking vicious circle that I can't get out of. Not sure what the answer is. Actually I do know what the answer is. I just don't want to do the work! Aaaauuuuuggghhhhh!!!
So I've got a therapy appointment in about an hour and a half. Think I'll chat with her about this a little. Then I'm making a commitment to do some First Step work this afternoon. I've got to complete that work, so I can move forward. It does not have to be perfect as I will come back to it again in my recovery and can rework it more.
I'm just feeling tired, lonely, frustrated and lost. But even with those feelings circling me, I don't feel like acting out. I KNOW that is not the answer! Life is just wonderful.
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