I'm feeling very anxious and irritated right now. I'm meeting with Rick W. regarding the Outer Circle activity group committee. I really haven't felt very good about my recovery and sobriety lately. Seems as though I've taken a step back. Yet at the same time, my addiction hasn't blown up. Just been putting my feet in the water. Why did I get a prescription of Viagra? Why am I calling prostitutes (yet not following through and not seeing them)? It's aggravating to me.
I need to find outer circle activities to fill my days. A painting class. Golf. A beginning guitar class. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. And I need to find a job. If I can't find a full time position, then I need to find multiple jobs.
Why can I get excited about some things and not myself? For example, I can get very excited about Tiger Woods and his comeback. Wishing and dreaming about what would be exciting me. Yet, I can't even spend a minute figuring out my future. Maybe a trip to Borders and picking up 'What Color is your Parachute?' would be a good idea. Or is that just another internal device that would sidetrack me for awhile and I won't follow through. I've got so many books already that I'd like to read. Many of them have some journalling or exploring that should be done with them too. Except I 'm not doing the exploring. It's time for that to change.
Feels good to have done some writing. I also just put together a short list of things I would like to do in my spare time. I'm hoping to take that list and break it into small, workable steps or pieces. I'm thinking this would make things seem much less overwhelming.
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