July 20

It’s 10:50 at night and I’m spending my first night in my apartment alone. WTF did I do? I am bouncing out of my skin. I just got back from a bar. Had to go get a beer and see some people just to feel sane. Don’t have a bed yet. I stopped by Sports Authority and picked up a camping mattress and air pump. Probably won’t be as comfortable as a bed but it’s quite a bit less expensive.

Martha and I went ot our couples counseling tonight. That was a tough session as Martha broke down and cried during it. She very sad and upset over the separation. Can’t say that I really blame her either. I’m not feeling too excited or happy about it now. I am deeply touched by how much this is affecting others. I honestly did not think anyone other than Martha would really care all that much. I feel very out of touch with reality. It’s as if I’ve only got my own reality. I don’t know but I’ve always thought that other’s feelings wouldn’t affect me. But this past week has shown me quite a different side of myself to me.

For the rest of the night, I’m just gonna go to bed and try to sleep. I’ve got my IPod hooked up to some speakers, so I’ll set it on some sleep setting and see if that works. I hope so though it won’t surprise me if I toss and turn all night and can’t sleep. I don’t have internet and I don’t have cable, so I’m left to old school it if I wake up. Do some reading or play some solitaire (on my laptop).