...a hotel room just south of Grants Pass. When I got ready to take a shower and stripped my clothes off, I got an opportunity to see my naked body, in a mirror, with the harsh glare of hotel lights on it. It was not a pretty sight. I cannot believe what I've allowed my body to grow into. It didn't happen over night, though the last year has added a good 15-20 pounds. I made a promise to myself this morning that I will be working out daily.
When I made it down to Chico today, incredibly enough when I walked into the hotel lobby, there was a stack of Chico News & Review newspapers. They've got the local escorts/massage ads in them. I didn't give it a second thought. I just grabbed one so I could take it up to my room and get started on my search. Within a half hour I was naked with a lady sexually massaging me. It felt good to have someone sexually excite me. And when I had her perform oral sex on me, I felt complete. My body just exploded at orgasm with a tremendous release of stress. Within seconds I couldn't believe what I had just done. Yet I refused to beat myself up over it. I will be gentle with myself and accept that I will have a relapse/slip occasionally. I have to be more willing to accept my faults even though they can and do have consequences.
When I made it down to Chico today, incredibly enough when I walked into the hotel lobby, there was a stack of Chico News & Review newspapers. They've got the local escorts/massage ads in them. I didn't give it a second thought. I just grabbed one so I could take it up to my room and get started on my search. Within a half hour I was naked with a lady sexually massaging me. It felt good to have someone sexually excite me. And when I had her perform oral sex on me, I felt complete. My body just exploded at orgasm with a tremendous release of stress. Within seconds I couldn't believe what I had just done. Yet I refused to beat myself up over it. I will be gentle with myself and accept that I will have a relapse/slip occasionally. I have to be more willing to accept my faults even though they can and do have consequences.
Yet right after this slip, I went for a bike ride around Bidwell Park. After dinner I then headed back down to the park and went for a walk that last about an hour and fifteen minutes. I'm now sitting in my motel room after taking a shower feeling quite good about the exercise. My right knee is a little sore. It's not swollen, just a little stiff. We'll see how it feels tomorrow. I'm quite excited about the exercise.
I'm also excited that I recieved an email from my acupuncturist when I was at dinner. I was surprised that she was thinking of me today. But she sent me a link on a book, 'Elemental Shaman'. I just took a look at the book online. It looks interesting.
Everytime I go see her I am blessed with her energy. She is so giving and loving that it overwhelms me. She has a seven week process that she wants to work on with me to clear out confusion in my life. This is through acupuncture and some emotional, thought provoking work. Each week she will be sending me an email with some ‘work’ to do. Her first email, sent yesterday, asked the questions:
“Where in my life did I experience unconditional love?
Do I have acceptance of a physical part of my body? If yes, how does it show up. If not , why not.
If I accept myself fully with all the gifts and shadows how will they show up in my life?
Would my life change in any way?"
I'm also excited that I recieved an email from my acupuncturist when I was at dinner. I was surprised that she was thinking of me today. But she sent me a link on a book, 'Elemental Shaman'. I just took a look at the book online. It looks interesting.
Everytime I go see her I am blessed with her energy. She is so giving and loving that it overwhelms me. She has a seven week process that she wants to work on with me to clear out confusion in my life. This is through acupuncture and some emotional, thought provoking work. Each week she will be sending me an email with some ‘work’ to do. Her first email, sent yesterday, asked the questions:
“Where in my life did I experience unconditional love?
Do I have acceptance of a physical part of my body? If yes, how does it show up. If not , why not.
If I accept myself fully with all the gifts and shadows how will they show up in my life?
Would my life change in any way?"
Looks like some serious questions to ponder. I have been thinking about them a little over the past day or two. I will post my responses online as I write them.
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