...last night. I told her that I thought it would be in both of our self-interests if we spent some time apart. I deeply feel that I cannot do the self introspection needed when she is constantly in my life. I don't mean that in a negative way towards her, just that I would like the freedom to do whatever work I need to do, when I want to do it and not have to worry about her being around, listening to me on the phone, or whatever. She said that she agreed and had been thinking about needing some time away from me too. She said it would help her find herself.
I was scared, nervous and anxious prior to this conversation, believing it was going to become something very heated and loud. It was none of that. It was freeing as we had a quiet discussion about finding ourselves. She cried a little during the discussion and during the rest of the night. But no big scene was made. She said she was sad, which I am too. I don't know where this is all going or how it's going to end up, but I feel a lot lighter emotionally today than I did yesterday as I was driving up I5 to Portland.
So I'm now got to find a place to live for awhile. Either gonna find a roommate situation or a studio apartment. Don't really like the idea of a roommate but that will probably be a bit cheaper. It's a new journey and gives me an opportunity to grow.
And we've got to talk to relatives, friends about the situation. Not exactly great conversations to have but it's another opportunity to grow. I've already talked to one of my brothers. Even having talked to him during the past year about my situation, it still was difficult. I think his wife tried to call my wife yesterday, but my wife didn't answer. I'm sure they'll connect sometime over the next few days. Then, some of my wife's relatives are in town tomorrow and desire to get together. That should be ackward if we all get together. Today though, I will look for a new place to live and share this experience with others at a meeting today.
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