It's been a week...

...since I came back home. I feel pretty relaxed and comfortable here. My wife hasn't felt too good the past week as she has been battling a cold/cough and been extremely tired. I feel as though it was her body's way of reacting to the buildup of my disclosure and then the disclosure being over. As for me I feel a little sick physically and a bit releaved emotionally. Don't think I've done much on my recovery road on a daily basis. I've been going to meetings and sharing there and done some reading about addiction. But just the whole process and actual sharing of my formal disclosure has relieved a lot of stress for me. I don't feel much if any desire to lie about anything right now. I just want to be me. I've got flaws and that's okay. I've got problems and that's okay. I'm not perfect and I don't want to be. I'm starting to accept that I'm not perfect and never going to be perfect. It's really not a place I wish to be. That is just too, too high a standard to be at. Instead I can just enjoy being on my path to a better me. Not sure where it's going. Not sure where it ends. And believing more and more that I don't need to worry about that. If I can just accept who I am today I will be a much better person. That last sentence really flys in the face of what I thought of myself for so many years. I've always had this internal belief to be better, to be right, to be superior to others, to be on a better path than others. Today I look at my past beliefs and say that I somehow had a wrong belief system. My arrogance, stubbornness and complete lack of emphathy towards others just drove me further into my isolation and away from others. I couldn't see the forest because I was standing behind a tree and didn't even know it. Dropped off my wife's car to get her snow tires taken off today. I dropped her off at work afterwards. So I'll pick up the car and her a little bit later. Gonna go to a meeting at noon. And getting ready to head outside and do a little power washing of our walk way. I'd really like to get that done. Last and not least, though I do wish to procrastinate as much as possible on it, I've got to step up my search for a job. I'm not sure what job I'll end up with but have the feeling I'll be switching jobs for a short while until I feel something that feels comfortable and somewhat rewarding. I don't think that job will be the first job offered to me but I'm open to doing what I have to do. Working some part-time jobs will give me the opportunity to continue with my recovery on a daily basis and start getting me intergrated back into "working". I cannot let work get in the way of recovery for me. I have to work and I have to do recovery work. This is not an either/or situation for me. I have to be able to do them together. If it means night meetings, it means night meetings. Whatever it is, it is. But I have to do recovery work.