...that when I'm doing any deep, emotional sharing, I find myself reaching for humor to break the tension and anxiety that comes from that sharing. I only wish to go so far with this searching, so I reach for something humorous to say. Once there is some laughter, even nervous laughter, I can change my focus from the pain I was just describing to something else that doesn't hurt so much. Yesterday while doing my journalling I noticed that I wanted to be humorous with myself. I quickly realized that I was diverting my thoughts and energy away from thinking about my feelings and emotions and lighten my mood. It's very difficult to just sit and be with some of these thoughts and emotions. The sooner I can learn how to just sit and be with them, the better.
It's absolutely crazy that my legs are twitching like crazy as I type this. I am filled with nervous energy and anxiety. It's not a comfortable feeling nor a comfortable place for me. Through time it will get more comfortable but right now it definitely is not.
And like most people, I find that I will do just about anything to avoid addressing my feelings and thoughts. I'll surf the net for hours just to avoid doing my journalling. I'm getting better about it which makes me feel good. Journalling is something I've got to do. I really need to address my thoughts and emotions and get a handle on them. I believe everyone is a product of their thoughts and emotions, good, bad or indifferent. It is important to know where they're coming from and what they mean. Then I can have a better chance to handle them in a much more positive way than I have in the past.
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