....minutes this morning to do some journalling. I can do some more later if I am so inclined but right now it's just a few available minutes. I want to say, "Let's not waste it", yet I really don't have any pressing needs to write about.
I feel good this morning. Yes it is raining outside and apparently it's going to rain for most of the weekend. The Pineapple Express has blown into town so it should be wetter than usual. Somehow I'll find a way to spend some time in it. I find the rain refreshing. The clouds and grey sky can be depressing at times but the rain feels good. It's as if something fresh is washing over me, cleaning off the grime of my daily existence from me.
I took a Recommitment coin yesterday at my meeting. It doesn't feel great but it does feel good. I'm being honest with myself. I'm not trying to cut corners or bargain with myself about my actions. I went into my inner circle and stayed there for about an hour or so. Yes, I could have delved further into my inner circle activities. But I didn't and for that I am grateful. I know that my addiction does not want me to succeed in my recovery. At the same time, I know that I am feeling stronger in my recovery. I know I'm not doing this alone. A lot of this strength is coming from the help of my higher power. And somehow I am fighting myself with letting my higher power into my life more. I don't like giving up control and definitely feel that having my higher power in my life is giving up control. On the other hand, I realize that I've been unable to manage my life in the past. It's become dramatically unmanagable and gone into places I wish I've never been. Yes I've survived and it's giving me this opportunity to now learn and grow from those experiences.
So I've got to stay in the solution and not dwell in the past. I know that with the help and guidance of my Higher Power I will continue to move in the right direction, making the right decisions for me. I will continue to see the good in life and in others. I will continue to admit my mistakes and correct my course when necessary and without shame or guilt. I will continue to understand that a step back leads to many steps forward. I can and will learn from my mistakes and misactions. With my Higher Power help and guidance, a much better life is ahead for me. A life filled with happiness, love, contentment, success and positive challenges. I will embrace my life today with open arms.
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