Masterbation...

...is a strange subject to talk to your therapist about. And it's strange to sit in a room full of men at a SAA meeting and talk about masterbation. What's good masterbation, what's bad masterbation. Should it be in my inner circle or not? What do I fantasize about when I masterbate? Some times I just want to say it's too much information. But at my therapy session yesterday, my therapist asked me write about my fantasies when I masterbate. The idea is that this will lessen the impact of these fantasies in my head, conscious and subconcious. Thus reducing some sexual tension and stress in my head. I'm willing to give a try and be brutally honest and graphic about the fantasies. I'm afraid I will get sexually aroused writing these fantasies. But I will not allow myself to act out and track down a prostitute to relieve the stress.

My most common fantasy is really about a few past gals I've slept with. Two were brief relationships and the last one is a prostitute that I slept with a few times. I'll usually start thinking about Debbie. She's got big breasts and a few extra lbs on the ass. But I like the way it looks. I'm thinking about undressing here and sucking on her tits while I'm pulling off the rest of her clothes. I'd like her to suck my cock. I push or pull her down on the bed and we I fuck her. I might have her on all fours and I'll fuck her from behind. After I'm done, I might even tell her to go knock on my roommate's door next door, just wearing a robe that is open. Then when he answers, to tell him you want to fuck him. I hear her in the next room moaning. She thens returns to me and ask me to fuck her again. She's all wet inside. From me and from my roommate. I tell her to stand up and touch her toes, holding that position. I then fuck her from behind. When I'm done, I tell her to lick my cock and balls clean.

If that hasn't gotten me very excited I will continue to fantasize about another former short term girlfriend, Tracy. I like her figure. Nice breasts and a nice ass. I imagine her naked in bed with me. I'm laying on my back and she's riding my cock. Sliding up and down. Her breasts bouncing up and down. She feels good but she wants me to explode. She thens spins around on my cock, now with her ass facing me. And she slowly continues to slide up and down my cock. I start spanking her ass. She tells me to give it to her harder. I pound my cock into her more violently. She's moaning and telling me that she's exploding. I then start to fantasize about the time she gave me a blow job at her parents house. Grabbing my crotch, unzipping my pants and stroking my cock. She gives me a kiss and says that she wants to have some fun. She gets on her knees and starts kissing and licking my cock. She then puts it in her mouth, sliding her head back and forth. She's playing with my balls and grabbing my ass. I explode in her mouth and she takes a moment enjoying the explosion and then swallows the cum. She then starts licking my cock clean and gets off her knees, coming to give me a kiss. She tells me that she will do that anytime I want her to. She says she's never given anyone else a blow job in her life and didn't know she would like it so much.

I'll also fantasize about having sex with a prostitute. Her name is Dana and she's got a big ass, decent tits and a very playful attitude. She meets me at the door wearing a white mens shirt and her underpants. The shirt is unbuttoned. As I enter her place, she reaches down and grabs my crotch and says she wants all of it. She thens opens her shirt, exposing her breasts and tells me to enjoy sucking on them a little. While I'm licking her nipples and sucking her breasts she's trying to undress me. When she finally gets my pants loose, she gets on her knees and starts to suck my cock and lick my balls. I ask her if she's been bad lately. She ask if I really want to know. I tell her to turn around and grab her ankles. I start to spank her. Softly at first and then a few hard spanks. I'm waiting for her to tell me to stop. That it hurts. When that happens, I rip her underwear off of her and bend her over a big chair. I fuck her from behind. I then start to lick my juices out of her pussy. It's a short, sweet fuck that's all about me. I don't care about making her feel good. She's there for me. I've paid for her to be there and I want my money's worth. She's seemingly happy with that, as long as I don't beat her up. I then take her to her bed and tie her to her bed posts, face down. I tell her I'll be back in a little bit to untie her but she has to wait til I'm ready. I then leave the house with her there tied up naked. I come back in another hour or two, to find her upset. She's still tied up, so I spank her hard a few times and tell her that she's mine right now. I ask her if she wants to get fucked in the ass. If my cock is hard and ready to explode I'll fuck her in the ass, making her moan in pain.