....school again tomorrow. I'm feeling very nervous and anxious about it. Deep inside I know this is the right decision and everything will work out. But it's hard not to feel some nervousness. Will I fit in? Will I be able to keep up? Will I have anything important to contribute? Can I just keep my mouth shut?
My first class starts at 1:00 pm. So I don't have to worry about sleeping in too late. Was a little perturbed when my wife asked me to stop by the house and let our dog out before school. Since we're going to our Couples 12 step meeting tomorrow night, she wants to make sure that our dog gets to go outside and atleast go to the bathroom. So I'll stop by on the way to school.
My MiFi device charge does died. So I've got it recharging right now. Oh technology. It's wonderful and maddening at the same time.
Back to my thoughts about school. I do know that going back to school will work out good for me. I like the classes that I'm planning on taking, "Alcohol Use &
Addiction", "Intro to Psychology, Part 1" and "Human Sexuality". It will end up being 11 credits. I've already read the book for the Alcohol Use & Addiction class. I thought it was a terrific book. Could relate to it very much. I've started reading the book for the Intro to Psychology class. I'm excited about that class too. I want to know how people's minds work. What is the process of why people do what they do? And the Human Sexuality class excites me from the perspective of trying to figure out what sexuality is all about and how I perverted my sexuality into a liability for myself.
I figure I'll be one of the older students in my classes. But I hope that I will bring the experience of my years with me. I don't want to come across as someone's parent, lecturing other students about their stupidity or dumb comments. I want this to be a growth process for me. I want to share in a positive manner. I want to be a positive influence on others in this environment. I know I can be all of those things and much, much more.
One of the things I need to make sure I make time for every day is to exercise. I've got to physically burn up some energy. Sharing at meetings will help with burning up the emotional energy in me as will journaling. I've also have to make time to be working on my fourth step. I cannot let my recovery work slide. It's too important for me not to do. Yes it's painful but it must be done.
I picked up the book "The Twelve Step Buddhist" today and starting reading it tonight. I'm loving the book. It's made me want to go to the Portland Zen Center and start some meditation class there. I'm a high energy person and learning to slow down and be present would be very, very beneficial for me. The more I can be present, the more I can enjoy life and stability. It goes together.
No comments:
Post a Comment