Went to an Acupuncturist....

.....yesterday morning. Wow. It was a great visit emotionally. Felt pretty good physically afterwards but emotionally this lady was tremendous. She does over an hour's worth of intake questioning before she starts working on you. We talked about my life and various issues that have repeated themselves throughout. Not sure how that all plays through with the actual acupuncture proceedures but it felt wonderful to talk to someone about all of my downs and ups throughout my life.

I was amazed how open and honest I was with her. Though I do have to admit that I lied or played down my sex addiction. Instead I told her that I was an alcoholic and trying to stay sober. She told me that she had some experience with the same issue. I did tell her that the thing I was most sorry for in my life was paying for sex with prostitutes as that has led to many other issues for me. She really didn't seem stunned by what I said. We briefly talked about my brother dying. She asked if I had ever properly griefed. I said I didn't think so. We talked about my Dad's death and lawsuit settlement. She said her Dad had died in a car crash.

There were probably two or three times that I wanted to just cry while I talked to her. Other times where I wanted hug here. I just felt an enormous amount of love and caring from her. She said it was obvious I was hurting and needed help. She asked if I had a sponser and a therapist. Was glad that I had each. I didn't share with her that my relationship with my sponser is strained right now. I'm trying to figure out why that is, though I'm beginning to believe that it is me having to intellectulized my life and everything in it. And where has that gotten me?

All I know is that something has to change for me. I'm tired of my life and the way it's gone.