Had a great session yesterday with my Therapist. We spent most of our time together talking about what issues I have in my life. It's nice to sit there and talk about these issues and not feel like I'm being attacked or confronted negatively about them. She questions my thoughts, choice of words and asks me to explore further. I find that interesting and very challenging. I've spent the majority of my life not delving extensively into my emotions, always trying to compartmentalize things, so I don't have to address them or feel emotions. She's noticed that I don't like to take ownership of my thoughts/feelings by using the pronoun 'you' instead of 'I' quite a bit. I've got to agree with that assessment and wish to work on it. She's also asked me to take each of my issues and to delve further into it. Now I've got to go back to actual experiences with these issues and keep exploring.
We also talked briefly about some different online tests at RecoveryZone.com that I had done since my last appointment with her. One of the tests is the Sexual Dependency Inventory (SDSI-R, with the other being the Post Traumatic Stress Index-Revised (PTSI-R). She gave me the printed results of thes test and asked me to review them over the next week or two, as she's off to Texas for a conference and seminar. That should be fun (written sarcastically). She also asked me take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST). I definitely scored high, 17, on this test, indicating a sex addiction. One other set of testing I had done was for Attention Deficit. Scored some high numbers and should probably talk to my primary physician about this.
On a post script, one the issues I talked about was having to go get some sexual disease testing done. She suggested going to the local county health clinic. Well, I got home and made an appointment for later in the day. I felt embarassed, ashamed, foolish and stupid all at the same time (and I need to delve further into why I felt this way). Getting into the exam room and seeing all the posters about sexual diseases/etc., as well as sensing the nurse giving me a little bit of an attitude, just brought all those feelings to the forefront for me. I sat there wondering what I have done over the past few years. In the end though, I got the tests. Results to follow soon.
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