...since my last post. My wife was on vacation from work, so I haven't spent any time posting my thoughts, reading or working on anything. And while I write this, I know deep inside of myself that is a problem in and of itself. Why am I not self confident enough or have enough self esteem to work on this journal? As I wrote earlier, I have kept so much of myself private from so many people that I have trouble, mentally, getting through that barrier and changing.
All that being said, last week was a pretty peaceful week. Knowing that I couldn't surf the net since my wife was home, made it easier to not having feelings that I wished to act upon. But yesterday, I started to feel myself get excited about the prospect of being able to go online again and look at pictures, even possibly track down a girl to get me off. Waking up this morning, that was my first thought. I've been fighting these urges all morning. It's such a simple thing to track down a girl and it would releave the stress and anxiety I'm feeling. But I keep telling myself that it would only be for a short time.
One other thing I noticed last week, was that I was physically tired the whole week. Just felt like sleeping constantly. Today I feel all jacked up. So I'm wondering what it means.
What I do know is that I've got to find some employment, so I can stay busy. It would definitely help my self esteem and self worth. I cannot have much down time alone. That is not a good thing for me. I've got to find some work, some hobbies, some activities to fill my days. I've got to exercise daily as that will burn up some of this anxiety and stress as well as just being good for me physically and mentally. If I could get myself into running shape and run a few races I believe that would be a very positive thing for me. I've signed up for the Portland Half Marathon in October of this year. I must get myself in shape for that race.
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