...since I logged in and posted anything here. I feel guilty about it. I've got the best intentions about this blog and my posts but have not been very diligent about making regular posts here. I really wish to do better. Sometimes though, I think I'm trying to avoid posting something as though if I write something down, it will make me own it more. Make the comment more valid in my life. I guess if I believe that, then it does make it true for me. At least a little true for me.
Still going to my therapist and 12 step meetings. This last weekend I let my Sponser go. I'm not really sure but I was having problems picking up the phone and calling him. Guess I didn't want to get any lectures from him. Not really sure that I would have but did let that belief stop me a little. I haven't gotten a new sponser yet. Not quite sure when I will. My old sponser believed that I might have an issue with authority or following directions. So if I didn't have a sponser, I could do things my way.
In talking to my therapist on Monday, she thought I might have some issues with following directions from someone and giving up control. Dammit, I hate the thought that I've got control issues. I wish it wasn't so. But I do. I freely admit that I do have issues with control. I believe I can control things in my life, even those things that I can't control. Strangely enough, there's more things in my life that I can't control than I can control. But I want to believe I can control them all.
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